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A Moment of Sanity

My husband knows I have had a 'full' day when he arrives home to find me in the bath at 4:30 in the afternoon, completely immersed in water with just my nose sticking out for air. Sometimes you just need to block out the constant requests and external stimuli of having young children.

It reminds me of a story of Susannah Wesley, the mother of the founder of the Methodist Church, John Wesley, as well as hymn writer, Charles Wesley, and 8 to 17 other children. (She had 19, but 9 died in infancy). When Susannah needed a moment to pray in amongst the busyness of her home, she was known to throw her apron over her head. Her children knew that it meant they were not to interrupt.

The thing is that most times, as mothers in our home, we are the thermostat that sets the temperature. If I've lost my joy, you can be sure it will be a very short time before the whole household is devoid of joy.

In my moments of retreat to the bathtub, I have tried two different methods of recovery, with the end goal being to reenter into the centre of my family ready to set a happy tone. One is what all the glossy mags tell me to do - have some me-time, a bubble bath, read a glossy mag. I feel pretty good while I'm doing it, but the moment I step back into the craziness outside the bathtub, I find myself at exactly the same place. My fuse does not seem to have recovered at all.

The second method is to gently and very intentionally start to fix my gaze on Jesus. Literally, as His presence comes into my awareness, all else fades away. First I am just restored by the beauty and perfection that is Him, and then in a relatively short space of time I find myself realigned as to my purpose, my state of being His beloved, the wonder and privilege of the tasks that He has set before me. I pray for the Spirit of the Living Christ to fill me and work through me into my home.

And a wonderful thing has happened. I have drunk from the well of living water that is the Spirit of God, and my well is now full for others to drink from. As I step out into the midst of the craziness that is my family, I know that I am adored, so I am able to adore. I am filled with joy because I have remembered the delightful and abundant life that became my undeserved and unlikely portion when Jesus was raised to life on Easter Sunday. I am ready to rejoice, and my children, previously affected by my emptiness, are now filled with the life that flows from me.

The thing is, we all need to retreat sometimes when the 'battle' of life is getting us down. But when we hide under water, or under our aprons, let us not go with the allusion that what we need is time alone. What we need is time with the living God. We can only give what we've got. So lets make sure we've got life.

And perhaps I should find a better prayer closet than hiding underwater. While it's less offensive to my children than sticking my fingers in my ears and squeezing my eyes shut, it is somewhat unreasonable to bath before ... 4pm? :) Perhaps I should dust off the apron my mother gave me that is hanging as an item of decor in my kitchen.

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