Why Have Kids?

 

I am a Christian in my mid-thirties, happily married, but I really don't feel ready to have kids. Do I have to?

 

This was a great question posed to me recently - a question that exposes what it is at the heart of many people, even after they have had kids. There is a general discontentment among our generation at having their lives 'put on hold', 'interrupted' by pregnancy and child-rearing. Kids are cute and fun to have around when you're in the mood, but very inconvenient to have hanging around you permanently like a ball-and-chain. We know it might be selfish but there is just not a good enough reason to not be selfish. Why have kids if I don't really feel up to the full-time commitment, not to mention expense? I like my life the way it is (or the way it was before.)

 

What is lacking is vision. We need a 'why'. We're up for throwing our lives at a cause, and that's exactly why kids are an interruption - we're too busy doing something genuinely important - like solving the world's human trafficking problem, improving people's quality of life, helping the sick, putting together business proposals and building our careers. 

 

We need to take a step back and remember that we are neither the architect of our lives nor the master of what the world needs. If we believe in a Supreme Creator, and His continued involvement with His creation, then we need to know what He wants from our lives. 

 

Now I am well aware that both the person who asked this question, as well as you who are reading it, are completely with me on this. I'm preaching to the choir, so to speak. We're convinced that following God's plan for our lives is the way to go, but we don't always have clarity of how kids fits in to that. (And even if we do, it's not always at the top of our mind and helping us to decide on how we should feel.)

 

So let's look at it from His point of view. He's got a world to run, and that takes a whole lot of important jobs - politicians, doctors, builders, farmers, street cleaners and so on. He cleverly skills us differently and gives us aptitudes and enjoyments for different kinds of employment. We know why He wants the world to run in the first place, right? It's because He's a creator and so He had to create. That is the definition of who He is. His creation brings Him glory, and that's a good enough reason to exist. On a smaller scale, when an artist, Michaelangelo, say, sculpts David because he can, then the statue of David exists so we can all revel in it's beauty. It is glorious, and that's enough. 

 

Although He created for the glory of creation, He also has another motivator. He loves us. He didn't just make a lifeless statue. He is the creator of life! And living people can breathe and think and feel - His creation caused him to be Father, too. He is motivated by love and compassion and fondness. He likes His children.

 

One of the definitions of living things is the ability to reproduce. A living thing is defined by the ability to grow, move, respond to stimuli, and reproduce. Reproduction is not a by-product of life - it is a definer of life. For His creation to continue to be alive and bring Him glory, it must reproduce. 

 

Your 'other' employments and contributions to society are important. Whatever your role is in the community that you live, if it is constructive and Godly, then it is important - no matter how small or big it may seem. Whether you are the mayor of your town or the teller at the supermarket, you have a role in your community in this generation. Your role might even be an exciting one that will effect a generation or two after you.

 

But when you have children, when you reproduce life, you cause His glory to echo into the future, into eternity. It is impossible to tell how massive an effect your parenting will have on the future. Every lesson you teach to one or two or three children, will get taught to one or two or three of your children's children, so that in generations to come, your input into this world will have had a compound interest effect. You might have personally had a huge impact on the earth, like the men who discovered and harnessed electric power, but when your offspring multiply, your influence and effect on humankind is filled with immeasurable potential!

 

When God looks at our lives, He is not primarily concerned with our comfort. His concern is for (1.) our character, and (2.) our role in the community... our place in the body, so to speak. Parenting conveniently hits both those nails squarely on the head. 

 

** A quick disclaimer** Don't get me wrong - I am by no means saying that if you never have children, that you are not important or valuable. Many people are either unable to have children, or feel they have a direct mandate from God NOT to have children. That is different. There are exceptions to every rule. Take teeth for example. The rule with body tissue is that it is able to grow and heal… but not teeth. Teeth are different, not to be difficult and buck against their purpose, but to fulfil their purpose in the body. The same with people. The advice I'm giving is general, not specific. If God has called you apart from the general rule, then go with it. His plan is always the best plan for you AND for your role in the community (body). **

 

God wants to form us into His likeness. It's good for us and it's exceptionally glorifying for Him. When you take a role of parent, you are forced to become like Him as Father if you want to be any good and not mess it up. This is all part of His plan!

 

And that is His plan. His plan for our lives includes (unless He states otherwise) marriage, family, kids.

 

And why should we have kids now, as opposed to putting it off for a few more years? Well, because when having kids becomes viable (emotionally, physically, financially etc), putting it off is really just done for our own comfort and convenience. Putting off God's plan for our lives for our own selfish reasons just seems like a waste of time. Let's not take the chance of missing out on the wonderful opportunity of being a history-maker and future-influencer, or delay the necessary character changes and glorifying of God that parenting will bring. Really, what else could possibly be a better use of our time and energy?