Less Than Perfect Parenting
There are people who tell me that they often think to themselves, "What would Jaci do or say in this particular parenting situation?" In fact, sometimes even I say, "What would Jaci, of TheParentingWebsite.com, say to me now?" The thing is, we often compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's 'highlight reel' and wonder why we don't measure up. I have been trying to give up chocolate this week. That, together with the kids starting a new school on Monday with all different routines and wondering what the future holds for our family as we wait on God for the right job for my husband, culminated in me losing it with my littler kids that are still at home. I had been spending the morning playing on the lounge floor with my 1, 2, and 4 year old boys. Throughout the morning I had been kicked, had my hair pulled, my eyes poked, my fingers stood on, all as we just were playing Lego and they were just being their normal clumsy little selves. By early afternoon, I was having a serious sugar low from lack of chocolate and the two little boys, aged 2 and 4, ran and jumped on the couch behind me, kicking me in the head in the process. I lost it with them, and then burst into tears. The little boys looked at me in wide eyed shock and my husband came running through from where he was working to see if I was ok. The thing is, the 'Jaci' that really lives in our house is not perfect and does not have it all together. Like you, I have good days and bad days, and I find parenting way outside of a normal human's capabilities. It requires more energy than I have, more patience than I have, more wisdom than I have. But here's the key: I may not have everything I need for parenting, but I do have a hope and a vision of why I'm stretching myself beyond what I am capable of. I have purpose. I know how raising these kids, and every mundane and exhausting task that goes into that, is going to make a difference to this world, is going to count for something bigger than me, is going to be worth pouring my life out for. Like the man who digs deep within himself to climb a mountain because he has a goal that is worth risking, and even giving, his life for, I know why I am doing this. As I sit on the floor with my head in my hands, sobbing with exhaustion and guilt at losing it, I know that I am going to keep fighting this fight tomorrow, because this is a noble task. William Wilburforce died fighting to abolish slavery in England, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated weeks after the bill to illegalise slavery was passed in America during his presidency. I, too, will fight to the death to bring up six more godly children to take their place in this world, and I will succeed. I will glorify God by doing it to the best of my ability, and I will show my children in my own life how to reach for the dreams that God has put in them and fulfil the purposes that he has fore planned for their lives. So, today I am out of bed again, working hard to instil godliness and greatness into my children. God's grace has covered my fault and given me fresh wisdom and energy and patience for today. And my husband wisely rushed out and bought ten slabs of chocolate.
