Disciplining seems to be the one area of parenting that most parents struggle with. They want to discipline their children, but they're not too sure how, or when, or how much, or what for.
Ultimately, we want our children to use self-discipline, as outlined in the article Parenting From the Inside Out.
The bible's references to discipline are incredibly loving and show a heart that is devoted to the best interests of the child. Proverbs 3:12 says, “The Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” and Proverbs 19:18 says, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”
When we have a conviction on why we should discipline, it helps us to be motivated to be consistent. So why should we discipline?
Firstly, we discipline our children to protect them. We have definite boundaries for them when it comes to road safety, property perimeters, water safety, use of dangerous objects etc. They need to know what the boundaries are and they need to know what the consequences are for stepping one toe outside of those definite boundaries. Sometimes parenting takes tough love.
Secondly, we discipline our children so that we will like living with them! Let's face it, no matter how cute your child is, when they are out of control they are like little monsters! The bible speaks of the peace and joy that reigns in a home where discipline is well utilised: Proverbs 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.”
We discipline them because we have respect for other people, and we want them to treat others well. We want them to learn good manners, to show kindness, to respect other people's property.
And also, we discipline them because we love them and we want them to reach their potential. We want to teach them to try their best and to have high standards for themselves.
Discipline in Parenting
Training, Not Taunting
It is important to keep upper most in our minds when bringing up children, that we are in the training phase of life. When a child does something wrong, or stupid, we are not to get angry.
Beware of insulting or mocking your children when they fall short. Watch out for comments from your mouth like, “I can’t believe you still spill everywhere at your age,” or “What is the matter with you?” or “You are so bad at that.”
Your role is to train and teach, to correct and discipline, but not to belittle. Your tone of voice is more potentially destructive than any application of discipline. To use your words to speak down to your children is an abuse of power.
In everything, train with patience and self control: “Remember, my child, I have taught you not to slam doors.”; “My girl, you need to try and be more careful when you eat.”; “My child, that is not how we treat our pets. That was mean, and we need to give you a smack for that to help you remember not to do that again.”
Effective Discipline
How severely should we discipline our children? A rule of thumb is that discipline needs to effect change. If you tap your child on the hand, or even just give them a frown, and they never want to do that naughty thing again, then that is discipline enough. However, if you have given your child a good solid spanking and he laughs in your face and goes back to doing what he was doing, then you need to keep looking for a more effective discipline!
Older babies and young toddlers need to be disciplined on the spot, and usually a spank on the hand or the nappy is sufficient to upset them and cause them to be obedient. Some babies will respond just as well to a stern voice and a frown, and others might require a bit of a stinger for them to take any notice. The important thing is to measure the effect of the discipline – don’t waste your time and their sweet bottoms by smacking for no reason. The kind thing is to administer the least amount of discipline that IS EFFECTIVE.
Discipline should result in immediate obedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Again, your children take their cue off of you. If you speak once, and expect them to listen, they will learn to do so.
Links from this page: