Raising Boys - the balance of teaching strength and leadership with humility and obedience
Boys are delicious! Everyone says bringing up boys is easy, but I think it is a complicated and awesome responsibility. Our eldest boy, like our girls, is built to please us, is an achiever, and likes to be the best at everything, including being obedient to his parents. A few nights ago I found him sobbing at 4am because he woke up and realised he hadn't done his homework. It was a Thursday and it was only due on Friday, and in any case, he's in Kindergarten and it was just a bit of colouring to keep them busy at home!
Our second boy is just plain hilarious. Since he could talk he has claimed, "All I want to be when I grow up is a Naughty Boy… is that an option?" He is wild at heart, and wants to fight anything that moves, swim upstream, be different and most of all do things that get people's attention and makes them laugh. When you're three, making people laugh is as easy as being cheeky with a smile. It works every time. When you're four, people don't laugh as much when you're naughty. That's a bit of a blow to our boy, Rourke.
Now the last thing we want to do as parents is to squelch the wild, funny, attention-seeking, passionate little boy that Rourke is. But after careful deliberation we decided that it was time to seriously discipline the rebellious streak out of that mix. We had a long hard chat with him, coupled with a reasonable amount of corporal punishment for a four year old - not too little that he thinks it's worth doing it again, not so much that it is unneccesary excess. Together with our little boy we agreed that there was no more calling himself 'a naughty boy', no more finding disobedience amusing, and no more playing the 'baddie' in every pretend game. He was Rourke, the good boy, a wild, funny, passionate guy who uses all his strength and wit to fight the bad guys and do good.
The discipline was remarkably effective and he has done so well since then. He has been a blessing to us and to others who have cared for him since. I was telling my husband how well he was doing and to illustrate I turned to Rourke, who was playing with his little brothers, and said to him, "You're a good boy, hey, Rourkie?" He thought for a moment, thinking how much he missed playing the naughty boy, and answered contemplatively, "I'm a medium boy, Mom."
Well, that's progress! So the wooden spoon has been renamed the Rourke-reminder, and it's mere presence helps Rourke to remember that he is, in fact, a good boy. Our bible time this morning taught us that "we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.." (Ephesians 2:10) Further proof that Rourke is, in fact, a good boy, created for good works, but who sometimes forgets and needs a little reminding!
Yes, boys are complicated. The balance between being obedient and humble and yet strong and able to lead is like walking a tightrope at times, and we want to teach our boys to be courageous and strong and brave, and yet not to seek danger, not to hurt others and to use their strength for good and not harm. The balance is a fine one, but it is such fun to have a challenge. Once again I am reminded of what a fun and rewarding career parenting is. Just when you think you've got it there comes another age, another situation or another personality. I love my job!
