Journeying with Young Ones
In the last little while I have felt like my children can't leave me alone! I am a mom who often gets down on the floor and plays with them physically, and I am a very affectionate person. But lately it seems like there is never a moment where one of them is not standing on my feet or clinging to my leg or climbing on my lap and sticking their elbows painfully into my soft bits!I feel like I am desperate for some personal space. So I took it to God.
Sitting on my bed in a sunny spot, I bowed my head and immediately felt God say He sees my borders. He sees me with boundary lines. He knows when I end and the rest of the world starts. He brought to mind the way an artist draws. Even if two images will be seen in the final drawing as though they are merged into one, the artist knows exactly where each ends and the next one starts. They start to draw with circles and ovals and even if the circles overlap and in the final image the colours will be blurred, the artist has to know the underlying boundaries in order to get the picture to look like reality. A painting of one hand holding another, for example, has to begin as two unique hands otherwise the proportions will be incorrect and the hands will look distorted.
I felt like God said He knows where I end and my children start. He holds me accountable for my own actions and attitude, but as far as my children are concerned, although I have the responsibility to train them, he doesn't hold me responsible for their righteousness or perfection.
I guess part of the problem is that I am super busy at the moment. We're moving into our permanent Durban home and we're busy overseeing alterations there as well as packing up to move etc. There's lots to do and having babies and toddlers and kiddies around your feet kinda slows you down. (Understatement of the year! Picture children unpacking boxes faster than you can pack and redistributing things randomly around the house and garden. Picture going to the new home and trying to get your children's attention over the sound of the angle grinder and jack hammer to tell them not to step in the newly poured concrete or touch the wet painted walls. Picture going from shop to shop to find bunk beds and other furniture necessary for the new home while your kids are climbing up and jumping off the top bunk bed or finding a spare spot on the shop flood to have a full on wrestle. It's wild stuff. )
I am reminded of Jacob traveling back to his homeland with his two wives and many young children, as well as livestock with young. He tells his brother Esau that he should go on ahead because "I need to travel at the pace of the young ones."
And so I conclude that I will not be able to control my children completely, and can't be mad when they can't keep up with the pace. I need to slow down, go at the pace of the young ones. I need to be a little less hard on them (because they are separate individuals and I am not in control of them being perfect) and a little more hard on myself (because I AM responsible for my own attitude and behavior and God sees where I start and where I end, and he holds me accountable for that alone).
I'll let you know when we get there!
