It has been said that strong-handed discipline turns children into robots or rebels. Parenting from the inside out teaches children to WANT to do the right thing. It involves training their HEARTS.
The last thing we want to do is keep our children within such confined boundaries that they are either bent into being completely compliant, or rebel at every opportunity. That would be parenting from the outside - trying to conform their behaviour rather than mould their hearts. However, neither do we want to leave them to find their own way with only minimal advice and guidance from us.
As in all aspects of parenting, we need to have uppermost in our minds what future life experiences/responsibilities we are preparing our children for, and what kind of children we are hoping to turn out into the world one day.
Sometimes parenting from the inside out involves allowing our children to get away with something they're normally not allowed to, or understanding the reason for their defiance in a certain situation and dealing with the heart of the matter rather than with the behaviour itself. This can be embarrassing for us parents when their bad behaviour is done in public! We need to remember our children are given for us to shape and train, not to be our trophies.
For example, if your preteen daughter is sulking with a bad attitude and can't seem to snap out of it, it would be prudent to go to God and ask him to reveal to you the source of her attitude. Is she insecure with the volatility of friendships at school? Is she sick of being bossed around by her goody-goody sister? Why is she struggling to obey you when you ask her to snap out of it? Then, to disciple her heart would involve praying into the situation, and having a heart-to-heart with her and coaching her through how to respond to the situations that are bothering her. However, at the same time, you don't let her get away with the attitude. You are trying to produce a young woman who will be in control of her emotions and able to be long-suffering and joyful in all circumstances. That's going to take discipline - firstly from you and eventually leaning more and more towards self-discipline.
The bible speaks about having his laws written on our hearts. This is ideally what we want for our children. The best thing that we can pray for is that they encounter God and learn to love him so that He is at work in their inmost thoughts! God is the only being that has access into a person's heart. The absolute number one way to mould your child's heart is to pray for them. God has given us power to move his hands through prayer.
Teach your children that God says obedience is better than sacrifice. In other words, if we want to show God we love him, then we the best gift to give him is to obey him. Tell your children it is the same with you. When they bring you a picture they have drawn or give you a kiss and a cuddle, express your appreciation, but follow it up with, "You know what the best gift you can give me is? It's when you are obedient to me. Then I know you really love me.
"Parenting from the inside out involves plenty of guidance. It is a travesty to leave children to figure out their own way. Discipline and training and discipling is a gift. It is very easy to see an adult who has not had this privilege.
Parenting from the inside out is not a one day affair. It involves moulding your little people's lives daily. That takes observant and intentional parenting. You need to know your child, taking the time to watch them, to listen to them and to understand them. It is a lifelong process of discipling, of walking with them daily and helping them to think and reason in a godly way.