It come naturally to parents to feel an affection toward our children. They remind us of our two favourite people - our spouses and ourselves! But how do we translate that into parenting with love? How do we imitate God in our parenting style?
Parenting with Love
Sometimes our kids are adorable and sometimes they make us laugh. Sometimes they are beautiful and sometimes they smell like Elizabeth Anne's baby shampoo.
But sometimes, they let us down, they lie to us, they pull our hair, they are rude to us. Their behaviour can be abusive, and at times we have to admit that we just don't like them. And you know, sometimes, they just smell bad!
It's at times like these that we need to remember what made God first love us. We were not lovely or cute or perfect. In fact, he loved us while we still rejected him, and did things that He hates. He loved us first, unconditionally, and He loves us still.
Unconditional love towards our children is essential - not only does it give us the right to have access into their lives, but it also demonstrates to them the kind of love that God has for them so that when they think of God, their experience of parenting has helped them to view God correctly. You as their parents are their first reference point to understanding God.
Love Unconditionally
Love Expressed
"The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven's lieutenants."
~ Shakespeare
It is our weighty responsibility to demonstrate the vastness and completeness of God's love to our children as best as we can. Many an adult has struggled to know God later in life because of his experience of his own earthly father or parents. Let us swing wide heaven's gates to our children by their daily experience of a love that covers over a multitude of sins.
It is only partially helpful for you to love your children completely and unconditionally, if they do not know it! Relationships require communication, both given and received. Love must be expressed and understood in order for it to be effective.
What Does Loving Parenting Look Like?
Love is an incredibly powerful, all-encompassing motivation for behaviour, choices and emotions. It is easier to define what parenting without love means, and then derive the opposite.
Parenting without love might look like:
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abandonment
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neglect
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impatience and outbursts of anger
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selfish, self gratifying motives
Parenting with love needs to be the opposite of this.
The Opposite of 'Abandonment'
Parenting with love means sticking at it no matter how tough it is, no matter how exhausted you are, no matter how infuriating your child is. We need to be committed, resolved without wavering to the task of being a parent and loving our child in the best way we can. We need to set our faces towards the task of parenting, determined to succeed or die trying. Do not let your heart and mind wander to the days when you were free to do what you wanted, to go to the toilet all on your own, to pop out to the store whenever you felt like it, to spend your money on yourself. These children in front of you are your life now, and what a wonderful gift they are! Never consider anything other than committed love for the task of parenting and the children God has given you.
The Opposite of 'Neglect'
Parenting with love means committing to notice your child, to love and serve their legitimate needs, both physical and emotional. It means seeing them, letting yourself be concerned with taking care of their needs. It means watching out for their safety. Removing toys from the floor so that no-one will trip, covering up the electrical sockets, and so on. It means taking care to feed them a healthy diet and keeping them clean and warm. It means changing their nappies before they get a rash. Love is putting someone else needs above your own, by choice, whether you feel like it or not.
The Opposite of 'Uncontrolled Outbursts of Anger'
Parenting with love means controlling your anger and treating your child with the respect and honour deserved of another human being. Love and respect have got to be the closest relatives. We need to discipline children with the intention of training them, not to abate our anger or irritation. We need to choose another punching bag, a little more robust than our children who depend on us completely for their security.
The Opposite of 'Self-Gratifying Motives'
Parenting with love means assessing truthfully your motivations for having children, and your continuing motivations in your decisions where they are concerned. Is it for your pride? Your comfort? Your name's sake? Or do you lay down your will, your name, your pride, your comfort, and often your sleep, for the sake of serving your child and bringing them into the best future possible. Is it for you that you want them to try out for the football team? Is it for you that you want them to wear a particular outfit? When you say 'No' to a request, is it for good reason? Test your heart so that you can serve the next generation with integrity and purpose.